GodBreed

There are those days where it seems no matter what you do, how positive you try to be,  that you find yourself cloaked in utter darkness. You can try to focus on the good, listen to positive messages,  and even pray- but to no avail. As the day draws on, it only seems that the mood, thoughts and feelings re-affirm that tension of depression until you just want to fall into bed and shut the entire world out.

I have had many of these wonderful invitations of depression and despair over the course of my life, and more often than not,  have found that they were actually indicators of my breakthroughs.  The old saying goes something like this- “it gets darkest before the dawn”,  and I have found this to be so true, in my personal experience. When I have cried out to God the hardest, and felt as though I could go no further, His favor has broken through the darkness without fail.

I remember one particular occasion when this scenario played itself out in my life in bold fashion.

It was 2003 and I was being let go from my job. I was told that I had 6 weeks left of my salary and that would be the end. I began to pray and ask God what direction I should go in, and all I heard was. . . “BE STILL”. Not what I really wanted to hear, but I had a month and a half to walk this through with Him, so I waited.

It was easy to have faith on weeks one and two, but an uneasiness began to creep in around week number three. Needless to say, I was in deep prayer each and every day in anticipation that God would open a door for me to walk through. By week five, however, panic set in.  I began to have the distinct feeling that I had missed God in a horrible way.  Thoughts of doom began to flood through my mind.

I had never been unemployed before, so I had no grid for what lie ahead of me.  How would I feed my family? How would I pay my bills? Would I lose my home? Would I be perceived as a fool for thinking that I could hear God? I was in full panic mode, and for the next two weeks I came to understand anguish like never before.  Needless to say, I was in a place of deep darkness and despair.

In all of this emotional turmoil, I could not escape the ‘still small voice’ telling me to be still.  I would pray each and every morning, seemingly to no avail. I quoted scripture and spoke to the mountain, and went through the motions of everything that I knew to do, but nothing seemed to change. I felt as though I were sinking deeper and deeper into a pit that I could not get out of. I eventually got to the place where I could not sit down and eat with my young family, because all I could think of was that I would not be able to feed them in a few weeks.

I should also mention that my wife and I we planting a church during this season. In fact, the church that sent us out to plant it, was no longer able to support us due to a change in their financial situation. We had grown this small plant to about 30 people, and now it seemed as though the rug was being pulled out from underneath us. The church plant was in the city of Lake Jackson, about 10 minutes from the ocean. This will be relevant in a moment, I promise.  But the added weight of what would happen to these new converts weighed heavily on my heart.

When we had reached the fifth week, I told my wife that we would go down and spend the weekend in Lake Jackson, to let the kids kids have a mini vacation before they started back to school. We tried to get a room in Lake Jackson, but due to a convention, were unable to find any vacancies. I drove a little further up the road and found a La Quinta in the small city of Clute.  We stayed there and did the beach thing for a couple of days, held service on Sunday and returned home to start week number six.

I cannot begin to describe the whirlwind of emotions that I faced that last and final week. Depression began to take root inside of me like I never had felt in my entire life. I felt as though I had rolled the dice on my faith, and that it was becoming ever apparent that I had missed God. Now, the only scripture that I found comfort in was in Luke 3:5 – ‘the crooked places shall be made straight.”  It was all that I felt I had left to hold onto.

I remember waking up on the last Tuesday morning of the sixth week. I would be getting my last check that Friday, and I was a mess. I woke up about four in the morning, made my coffee, and sat at the kitchen table to pray with my Bible. Strangely, after prayer I felt pretty good. I was at peace, basically because I was coming to the end.  I had no answers, I heard nothing more from God, but at least the phase of panic seemed to be over-  or so I thought.

At nine o’clock that morning, I felt a psychological melt-down come over my entire being. I grabbed my cellphone, my Bible and a tablet and told my wife that I was going to the park. I think my exact words were, “I think I am having a break-down and I don’t want you to see me this way!” I told her to call me if she needed me, and I went on my merry way to ‘lose-it-ville’.

I remember getting to the park ready to cry my eyes out, only to find the city crew there cleaning and emptying the trash.  I was so very annoyed. I wanted to scream for them to leave so that I could get on with my melt-down, but it didn’t seem like the appropriate thing to do.  After about twenty minutes they were done. Finally!

I placed my things on the picnic table and proceeded to walk the soccer field in full blown tears-mode! I did my best to try and convince God that I had done what He asked me to do. I quoted scripture and plead my case. I recounted the events of the last year and a half, and questioned His call on my life, repeatedly. I think I even made threats of quitting ministry altogether, in hopes that an audible voice would break through the clouds and save me. I think it took roughly an hour and a half to reach the point of utter exhaustion, and then there was nothing else to do but be silent! I had reached the end.

After about thirty minutes of silent contemplation, a sound faintly broke through the silence. It was a windy morning, but I thought I heard my cellphone ringing. I stood still, listening intently. When I realized that it was my phone, I made a mad dash to the picnic table. It was a friend of mine. He inquired as to what I was doing, but there was no way I could bring myself to tell him.

He said that a church needed a keyboard player for the next two weeks, and that none of his guys were able to do it. Then he said the magic words- “they will pay whoever can play for them”!  I was desperate, and even if all I could get was a two week extension, I was sold. I took down the number of the church, thinking it was in Houston,  and immediately dialed the pastor.

As it tuned out, he knew who I was and wondered how I was available. He asked if I would be able to come to their rehearsal that night, and possibly meet him earlier for dinner beforehand. I said that I would love to, and asked where to meet him. He asked if I knew where the city of Clute was? I told him that I only knew where the La Quinta hotel was, because I had stayed there over the weekend. He said that his church was on the same street as the La Quinta, two blocks down the road.  Coincidence . . . I think not!

To make a very long story short, the church was in desperate need of help in their worship ministry, and I was hired that night at dinner. The church that I was planting was literally three minutes up the road, so we merged our churches together!  All with three days to spare! And to top it all off, my income increased by almost ten-thousand dollars! Talk about a ray of light breaking through the darkness!

I learned many things through this experience … too many to write here.  If I had to choose one overriding lesson, it would be that God’s processes are not easy. When He chooses to leave His fingerprint in our lives, there is an extreme amount of pressure under the weight of His hand! I no more like the process today, than I did in 2003, but I do like the results.

If you find yourself in a dark place today, know that He is in complete and total control! You must settle that in your heart of hearts. He is ready and willing to deliver you, but there are things that He is doing ‘in you’ as you walk through the process! If the process is not complete, then neither is the work that He has begun in you!

Philippians 1:6 states- ” being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it . . .”!  Remember what Proverbs 3:5-6 commands-

⁵ Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
⁶ In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths.

One thing I’ve learned about the darkness is that it brings me to a place of intense focus.  Many of the peripheral things simply fall away, as God grabs a hold of my complete and total attention. But when the light breaks through, there is no question about the direction I should go!  Something to think about!

They say that what you perceive is your reality. I find this to be interestingly true, and yet I wonder how many of us lie to ourselves because of the perceptions that we carry. Generally, what we perceive is based around our emotions at any given moment. Our emotions/feelings are much like the soundtrack to a movie. What is happening on the actual screen of a scary movie is generally lame with out the added sounds. What’s even funnier is that you can actually change the feel of the movie altogether by playing a silly soundtrack.

Now back to reality. What you and I focus on, becomes our reality. This is not about positive thinking, but about control. Can we control our focus? Again, as Christians, we learn all this stuff in church. We memorize scripture after scripture, especially the ones that say good stuff to us, but do we actually do anything with those scriptures.

God’s word is totally about reality! The truth of that statement, however, is that His word deals with reality as far as He is concerned. That being the case, I constantly find that His version of reality is at odds with mine. I have often thought, “how easy it is for You God, … you’re God!” His response, though, is that I am made in His image and called to conduct myself as He conducts himself.

He says to “speak” to mountains/circumstances in my life! That seems utterly ridiculous and feels pretty silly when actually carried out. I remember being fired from the last church that I was on staff at- (a long and crazy story for a later time). I firmly heard the Lord tell me to be still and trust Him to lead me where I should go. I thought it would be no problem, until I realized that He was serious- and that I literally had to trust Him from day to day for months on end. I literally went over 10 months without being employed, and yet God supplied every need just like He said that He would.

My reality said, “I need a job”! God’s reality said, “all you have to do is trust me!” I am grateful for the experience, for I learned to see reality from God’s perspective instead of my own. This demanded that I daily focus on His word to be my new reality, and that was not easy. The only way that I can describe it is in terms of a new-born colt. I have seen when a mare has a baby, and the colt does it’s best to stand. The new-born wobbles as it does its best to stand on all fours, looking as if it will collapse at any given moment. That has to be what I looked like as I stood on God’s word in the new reality of Him being my source with out a net to fall back on.

He would command me to speak to my bills and believe that the doors would open that would supply those needs. Please understand that I am not encouraging anyone to just go out and quit their job and just trust God. That season ended after 10 months, and I was once again employed. The purpose of this illustration is to simply bring home the fact that God’s reality and ours are very different. In fact, His words says My thoughts are not your thoughts, and my ways are not your ways. It’s a given.

Just because it’s a given, however, does not mean that God isn’t expecting us to change our ways and our thoughts to match his own. He is calling us to choose which reality we will live from. The reality of impossibilities or possibilities. Reality of doubt or faith. Reality of love or hate, and so on.

The Bible tells us that the sons of this world are more shrewd in their generation than are the sons of light. It really bothers me, but I see it play out over and over again. The sons of this world are visionaries. They exercise their faith to bring about buildings, computers, record labels, clothing lines, movies, television programs, and even governments. Yet where are the sons of light? I am asking this question of myself as I explore changing my reality of life once again, for I believe that it is constant.

The Bible states that “My people perish for lack of vision”. So I pose the question. What is our vision? Is it to live a comfortable little existence while praising God and shouting Hallelujah in our church houses, all the while waiting for the sweet bye-and-bye to finally come? Pretty lame, as far as I am concerned. We need to become movers and shakers of mountains. We need a reality check, and if we are comfortable where we stand- I venture to say that our present reality is not a God-reality.

You and i were made to dominate. To bring things into existence that do not yet exist. We are called to be like God! To reflect Him to the earth. Romans says that the expectation of the creation is for the revealing of the sons of God! According to this scripture, I just can’t see having a good ole time in church cutting the mustard! How about you?

Breathe! It seems like a silly statement, because this is something that we do without thinking, but really- that’s the point. You are literally sustained by an involuntary action that sets everything of life as you know it into motion. It’s the one thing that matters most if you decided not to do it anymore. Go ahead, try it!

When was the last time you actually heard your own breathing? When was the last time that you literally felt your own heart beating inside of you? You have a miracle taking place inside of your chest at this very minute, pumping the very essence of your life throughout your entire body. The funny thing is, in a morbid sense of the word, that we hardly ever think about it until something is not functioning as it should.

When was the last time that you purposely listened to silence? Actually hearing not to hear anything? It’s amazing how we can literally be surrounded by hundreds of distinct sounds, and yet have the power to block out nearly all of it! Things like birds singing, dogs barking, Carpenters sawing, horns honking, air conditioners blowing, etc. These noises are happening all around us at any given time, and yet we have the power to hear nothing or succumb to the pressures squealing from within our own minds.

I am amazed at how I can get so busy living for the future, and never live in the actual moment that I am experiencing NOW! I am following my plans and my dreams. I am building for a better tomorrow. I am searching for answers to life’s problems, and coping as best as possible under the given circumstances of the day. And yet what am I missing?

The laughter of my children! The hug from my little girl who longs for my attention! The smile and loving touch of my beautiful wife! The sounds of my sons wrestling downstairs! The peace and tranquility of my family sleeping as I lye awake listening to them breathe deeply.

I guess all that I am saying is know that you are ALIVE! Live in the wonder of the brainwaves and electrical impulses that belong to you. Rediscover the power of touching and feeling, expressing and loving! Experience the power of yelling at the top of your voice for no good reason- just because you can! Call a wrong number on purpose, just to impact the life of another unsuspecting human being! Eat your dessert FIRST! In fact, eat a big dessert and nothing else!!!!

Run through a water sprinkler with your work clothes on! Eat cake with your fingers! Mail a get well card to yourself! Sing in an elevator- that has other people in it! Dance in your driveway! Go through a McDonalds drive through and order a whataburger! Then order a whopper!Do something, anything, that will cause you not to allow yourself to be caught up in the “RUT”.
You are wonderfully made! Start remembering it often- and don’t forget to BREATHE!

In speaking with several people as of late, it is becoming more and more apparent that many are in the midst of major transition(s) in their lives. Some are transitioning jobs, while others are relocating. Some are just tired of what has been and are seeking self transition. Why, even our nation is in the midst of transition be it the economy, the economy, and even the economy!

They say that the only thing that never changes is the fact that there will always be changes. You can either embrace change, or let it run right over you. But make no mistake- there will be changes.

Transitions can be scary. There’s the fear of the unknown! The trouble of having to break out of a routine. The need to learn something new, and may be even completely different. There’s also the frustration of having to start completely over! Transitions are probably as welcome as that wet kiss from your Aunt Gertrude who has no front teeth, bad breath and a mustache! But like that nasty kiss, transition is coming to land on you!

The real struggle, at least from my vantage point, is not the actual action that is taking place in my life, but rather the mental and emotional strains that it produces in me. The Bible tells us, do not worry, but sometimes that seems almost impossible. Yeah, I know the scriptures- cast your cares on Him, His yoke is not heavy and His burden is light, all things are working together for the good, and on and on and on… But what about right here and right now!

I remember going through a remarkable experience about 4 years ago. I was working and yet I had nothing in the bank, due to a series of little catastrophic events. I was overdrawn, and my gas got disconnected. This is not a good situation for a man who has a wife and four kids. We could not use our stove because it is a gas stove. We could not heat our water because, well … no gas! And to top it all off- we were almost out of food!

Honestly, I had never been in such a bind- ever! The despair that sunk in was unbelievably hard to deal with, and yet life demanded that we go on! I was stunned. I would ask God, “How could you let this happen?” “What did I do, or not do?” I was dumbfounded, to say the least. I was ANGRY, to say the most!

I would pray, but felt so numb inside. I had not mismanaged my finances. I had been doing all the right things. Why would God allow me to endure this embarrassment?

I remember re-assuring my older children that God had a plan and a reason for allowing us to walk through this. That He would not allow us to go under, and that it would all make sense soon. And yet when they were not looking, I had my head buried in my pillow, screaming and crying out to God, just trying to keep the Faith!

To make a long story short, God did have his reasons, and much of it was to get my attention concerning a major shift in my life. You see this happened while I had a job and finances in the bank. As far as I was concerned, things were looking pretty good. But what I didn’t know was that God was about to ask me to walk out on to nothing. No job, no savings, and to trust.

I found out that my trust was in my JOB and my SAVINGS account. God needed to re-align my vision. The process was ugly, hurtful and humiliating… but also necessary to prepare me for where He was about to take me.

When I had finally hit the bottom, He came through. Groceries came from no where. Money came from a very unlikely source, in a very strange place. My gas was restored! It was all very miraculous, and that was His point.

It would be about four weeks later that God would ask me to step out from that job and walk through another door of transition. This time there would be no job, at all… nada! There would be no bank account to rely upon, only Him! It was probably the greatest transition that I have ever experienced, but it was the greatest decision that I ever made.

There are many awesome facets to that transition. God literally sustained me without a formal job for a whole year! That was incredible, to say the least. Doors would open each and every week for me to go and minister, and other doors that provided financially in other ways. My children got to view first hand, the awesomeness of God and His ability to provide things supernaturally. In that one year period, I never had anything disconnected, never went without the necessities of life, nor was embarrassed for putting my trust in Him. What I could not do with a job, he did for me without. It was all awesome!

But honestly, while those are great things to focus on, they were not the greatest. The greatest thing that I walked away from that experience with was the fact that I got the opportunity to KNOW GOD in a way that I had never known Him before, as my PROVIDER!

So the next time that you are starring a transition in the face, don’t cower! Yes, it will be uncomfortable. Yes, it will frustrate you. Yes, it will challenge you. Yes, it will cause you to change! But who knows… it just might be God that you find on the other side of the door! Go through!

We all know the scripture that states that “faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen”, but as I was meditating the thought came to me that if faith is a substance, then so must “fear” be. If the faith in something has the power to produce a positive outcome, then it stands to reason that fear possesses that same degree of power. You might even say that fear has a greater power to produce the negative.

In a real sense, fear is a form of negative faith. A strong belief that something bad is going to take place generally opens the door for it to happen. While they are polar opposites in terms of their role in your life, in many ways fear and faith operate on the same level.

Both require that you strongly believe in their potential. Both invoke a sense of reality into your thoughts before you actually see a physical manifestation. And lastly, both seek to dramatically change your life.

This is not going to be a long drawn out segment, but I would like to interrupt your day with the question of which element you are existing from today. While we all have probably experienced the “in your face” type of fear that causes your knees to shake, I believe that it is the subtle fear that we must look out for.

It’s the fear that leads to complacency and in-action that we must look out for. A fear that sneakily lurks under the radar, whose message is that nothing will ever change no matter what we do. A fear that keeps you from reaching. A fear that steals your Godly birth-right as an over-comer and a powerful force in the world.

If your reaction to that last statement was, “who…me?” Then this blog is for you! You are more than, not less than. You are destined, actually the Bible says predestined. You can have and attain but you must choose, ‘faith’ or ‘fear’. It’s just like God said, “I present before you, life and death”, but it still is your choice.

What is fear stealing from you today? To me, fear is a substance much like dog-pooh. If you smell that substance on your shoe, you must quickly act to get it off so that it doesn’t contaminate other surfaces like your carpet! Are you smelling anything?